How to Keep Sane and Stay Completely in Love with Yourself: College Edition

VIA TRISH ALVARO / EDITED BY HALIMA JIBRIL

Finishing up my second year of university put me in a position to actually, for once, understand what the fuck just actually happened. From grappling with the extreme workload of academics to drunkenly blowing all my money on late night McDonald’s, the college experience comes with some crazy drawbacks. No matter how much I thought I was prepared for university, nothing has prepared me for the buffoonery that came out of it.

College can feel like a big pot of boiling water where all your identities start floating up to the surface for everyone to see at face value, not realizing that there is so much more that lies beneath that tension. Now that I am about to reach my third year at university, I can comfortably and hysterically laugh at the tension that was placed onto me for reasons that sometimes I will never know. College will be one of the few places that force you to become self-aware of your identity.

I was raised with the idea that being an individual, having character, having a personality— all these things would be enough to carry me into the real world. I just had to worry about my own personal development in order to just be a functional human in the world. As someone who never really saw themselves as a minority, the hard slap of reality really hit me when I got to college and realised how thoroughly minoritized I was. I didn’t want to be someone who was limited or constrained by race or gender, but I realized that there are playbooks in both of those intersections that I had to follow to have any sort of success. I didn’t do too well. I placed unnecessary stress on myself and found myself in spirals having one anxiety build on top of another.

When you find yourself carrying an unnecessary load on your shoulders, please don’t talk yourself out of the universalities of your anxieties. Recognize your triggers, bring awareness to them and that’s when you can start the process of healing. If you are like me and are a child of immigrant parents, you may be the first of your family to go to college and you may feel like you must set a precedent for generations to come. But, what if I told you that being in those college spaces is already enough of a precedent? That is not to say that you should not push yourself to grow, but allow yourself to sit back and recognize that you have spent a good portion of your life to get to where you are now. And that is so powerful. Whether you are about to start college or are sprinting through your final year, I hope you can find solace in the experiences and lessons these current college students in America shared with us.

Becoming Self-Aware of Your Identity in the Dating and Party Culture

Jaylun Hutchinson, 21

“I was getting ready for a party freshman year, you know I was trying to look really good because I knew a girl I liked was going to be there.” Senior, Jaylun Hutchinson shares.

As Jaylun was getting ready, looking through each shirt, debating which one would do the job, his friend Zaria interrupts, “What are you doing? No one is going to look at us like that.”

In that moment, Jaylun was reminded what holding his identity as a queer Black man meant. On a predominantly white campus, he did not feel like he was perceived as attractive and the times Jaylun did receive a glance from someone it held that exotified gaze of fetishization.

“It is almost impossible to stay 100% yourself on campus. You have to utilize tools such as ‘code-switching’ just to make sure you can survive these spaces. But you lose yourself through these tools. What I do to hold onto myself is immerse myself in Black and Puerto Rican media, whether that be through music, videos, or film.” Jaylun brings up a very important point about attending university-- The pursuit of higher education comes at a cost of an erasure of one’s culture.

“I also find it very important to make calls to people who know me best, who understand my core, who I don’t have to explain myself to. But just as much as those people matter to me, it is so important that I have a tangible community on campus for the support I need.”

Was This Path Meant For Me?

Rosita Cifuentes. 20

Choosing your major is excruciatingly confusing and challenging! But when you start to realize that your major doesn’t reflect or provide resources for the identities you hold, your choices can leave you feeling unsettled.

“There is a lack of representation of successful Latinx women in the business world. I struggled to find mentors and peers on campus who could validate my passions and goals for this intended career [business] path.”

Just like many first generation students, Rosita holds back from sharing the whole scope of her experiences to her parents. As much as immigrant parents empathize and provide love and support for her, there is a barrier that exists between them.

“I know I can turn to my parents for advice and support, but they could not give me that because of their inexperience in that area.”

Expressing vulnerability to parents could lead to an “after all we’ve done for you” sort of misunderstanding that can bring up hurt feelings. Entering college seems like vacation to parents. After all, they are the people who moved away from everything that they were familiar with into a new country. Still, hearing the love from their voices provides comfort and care.

“At the end of our phone call conversations, my mom would whisper, ‘Echale ganas mija’ (keep going my sweet daughter) as an inspirational and emotional support to keep my head high.”

When your academic environment starts to feel hostile, disconnect yourself from triggering interactions that might elicit a fight or flight response. Mindful isolation is the intentional practice of choosing not to be at the forefront of the battlefield. You have four years at college and will find yourself having to pick and choose which battles are worth fighting.

“I connect with people who I’ve identified as my empathetic and open support.”

Once you have taken care of your needs, it is important to find a community within your academic field. These are going to be the people who will tell you about homework assignments, work on projects with you, and provide small tips for you to succeed in the long run. They will become an important network that will not only get you to your end goal, but can empathize with your struggles and successes.

Feeling Displaced

Andrew Huynh

“I don't think I really understood what being a minority or a person of color meant until I moved.”

People that we grow up with within our own communities, might not ever get the same opportunities as us to go to college. Entering college is a new space compared to the communities we were brought up in. For Andrew, that meant realizing that his identities were inevitably going to be magnified.

“I came to a lot of realizations during my first year at Seattle University about my identity and there are many things that continue to pop up that I have to reckon with. I realized how embarrassed I was to be proud of my culture while I was at home because I doubted that my experience was all that unique.”

When you start feeling displaced, understand why you feel that way in the first place. What history of yours has manifested this destiny for you? Was it a

war? Did your family come in as refugees? Was it opportunity? Was your country so deprived of their natural goods and riches taken by imperialists that your people had to migrate elsewhere to sustain themselves? Was it racial districting? Did your neighborhood lack the funding to make sure there were sufficient resources in your schools? Our histories are embedded in the very fabric of our skins that seep with truth.

“It’s important to understand where I am coming from. I am a first-generation college student and American born to Vietnam War refugees. To many people, Japanese internment and the Vietnam War are just pieces of historical facts. Not a lot of people consider that history is alive and that it bleeds into today.”

Find other people who empathize with this feeling of displacement. As for me, I have never had a rich understanding of my history as a Filipina but have found comfort in being brought in the conversation with other cultures. Learning about the Spanish colonization of Latinx countries gave me a step to understanding the Spanish influence of colonization in the psyche of Filipinx communities.

Talent and gifts are an equal playing field, opportunities are not. It is not your job to change up the institutional systems of higher education that have been in place for generations. What you should focus on is bringing yourself to the finish line in one piece with that diploma in your hand. The pursuit of knowledge is the one thing that belongs to all people. As the late Toni Morrison said, “When you get these jobs that you have been so brilliantly trained for, just remember that your real job is that if you are free, you need to free somebody else. If you have some power, then your job is to empower somebody else.”

By Tricia Alvaro

(she/her)

Trish is the Opinions & First Person Editor @ PARDON!

You can read more about Trish on OUR TEAM! page.