Thoughts

There’s a storm outside. Rain impinges upon the earth. The wind is howling at the moon. Thunder screams throughout the night.

I can’t sleep.

Sometimes I think of owning my own café.

This is just a dream.

5:30 a.m. My legs are tangled with the sheets. The pillows no longer providing comfort. I keep waking up. The time to be awake is in two hours. I won’t be awake.

Coffee used to cover my lips, but now they’re stained with tea.

Does it have to just be a dream?

Millions of thoughts run through my mind and it feels like someone is slamming my head against a wall, but the wall is covered in knives.

I have a headache.

There are too many scenarios that I keep creating. None of them are real. None of them will happen.

Should my skin be inked with tattoos or should it not? What would I even get tattoos of?

Perhaps I should get new piercings.

I remember when we went to the beach at midnight. We had so much work to do and yet time was spent looking at the stars.

What time did I fall asleep?

There’s this uneasiness and anxiety that lies within me and I absolutely hate every part of it.

I should take a walk.

Books and other papers lay scattered across my desk with no intention of being read. At least, not for a while.

I’ve read some books, but not all of them.

Oh.

I skipped breakfast today.

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. It’s scary. I’m scared.

3:56 a.m. I had a dream where a raccoon was about to attack me, but I woke up before it did.

What time is it?

Walking at night is horrifying and I don’t understand how people manage to do it.

The moon looks pretty tonight. It looks pretty every night.

Do you ever think about how Sokka’s first girlfriend turned into the moon?

Can I stop being nervous? I can’t stop being nervous.

I need to sleep.

Should I become a doctor? No. I don’t want to go to medical school. Maybe I could be a scientist? I hate chemistry. A writer? I don’t think my family would want that. Possibly an accountant? Definitely not.

I want to give up.

Never mind.

Maybe I shouldn’t have skipped breakfast.

11:57 p.m. A friend is drunk again and telling me about a guy she’s talking to on tinder. She only downloads tinder when she’s drunk. I tell her to delete it. This is the fourth time.

Note to self: Never get drunk.

I don’t know what time I went to sleep.

Oh.

There are more than hundreds of galaxies with thousands of planets and you choose to believe that aliens don’t exist? Amongst all of this?

It just doesn’t make any sense.

Winter is over.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

2:44 a.m. I woke up and went back to sleep.

4:28 a.m. I woke up again and went back to sleep again.

Will I ever stay asleep for more than 2 hours?

I’m tired.

By Raven.